dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
barbara walters just said penis...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
