fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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