I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Michael Bay diarrhea
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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