dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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