Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He felt like a one man threesome
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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