Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
