just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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