maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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