I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
