Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
