Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
