You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
