I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
