you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Randomize
