im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize