well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
