You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
