The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
