found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
