If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
