Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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