She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
