I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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