It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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