She said her name was "party"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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