I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
