I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
