Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
