It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
