At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize