Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
