new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
