I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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