i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
