Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Is Oprah even human
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
