I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
