We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
