you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
