i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
