I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
