I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
