Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I need moral support for this bender
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
