I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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