bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
