found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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