Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
