I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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