I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
