Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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