He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
