The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
