I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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