If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
