you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
