No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
