u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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