Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
