the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
