There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize