you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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