You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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