Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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