I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
the raccoons are back...
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