Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
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