so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
