dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He did a backflip because drugs
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