Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
