I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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