I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
