Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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