my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I deserve this hangover.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
