Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
