He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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