Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
