Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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