u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
