You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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