Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize
