You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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