Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
