Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
