I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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