I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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