You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
