I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
BRING THE BAGELS
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
