I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
