there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
