The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
