when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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