Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
