Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
