just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Never joke about your clitoris.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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