oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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