Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
