I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
