so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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