I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
