Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
