Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
