He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
