dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
