took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
