yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
