Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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