My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
How external is "for external use only"?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
