I CAN MOONWALK!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
