it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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