At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
