We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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