I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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