PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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