Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
