Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
