dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
worst night to have a conscience
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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