so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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