Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
