I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
