Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
