How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
