It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
